McDowell Technical Community College

Snow Hill Baptist Church

No Regrets Family-Kindle the Flame

Pastor Dean Honeycutt

Mitchell County

We have not experienced much winter yet but I am sure we will feel the cold again before it’s all over. Sometimes it gets really cold up here on Henson Creek. I have seen the creek freeze over and the wind blow snow sideways. And when it is really cold (I mean bone chilling cold) and we have to keep the water running to keep the pipes from freezing I keep a big fire in the stove going full blast all day. Pam does not like to get cold. If it is not above seventy in the house she is cold. Just before we go to bed I pack the stove full of wood, but that fire will not last all night. It has been burning hot, but it will die down. That is when I get up in the middle of the night and put more wood on the fire. This keeps the house warm and everybody happy.

Marriage is a lot like keeping a fire you have to keep adding to it or the flame will die down, and if you do not kindle the flame the fire will go out. A lot of married couples get into trouble simply because they do not “kindle the flame.” One thing I have learned after nearly twenty five years of marriage is that you cannot be selfish. I have to give of myself and Pam has to give of herself. Marriage is not about changing your mate– it is about yourself becoming the right person for your mate, and that my friend takes work. Every time I do something that Pam does not expect me to do, for example wash a load of clothes, or load the dishwasher it is like throwing a piece of wood on the fire. I do not know what I would do if I came home and saw Pam changing the oil in my truck, ha ha!  Just teasing on that one but when Pam does things for me– just little acts of love it is like throwing a piece of wood on the fire. Little acts of kindness go a long way.

Romance is very important in a marriage and like most men I stink at this. But for twenty-five years Friday night  is date night for Pam and me. This is something that has been a tremendous blessing to us. It has given us much needed time to talk and spend time together as a couple. We were encouraged to do this before we were married and it has proven to be great advice, and I would encourage every couple to do the same. Dating your spouse is like throwing another “log on the fire” –it will kindle the fame.

One evening during that first year of marriage Pam and I went out to eat. I wanted to take her somewhere nice because she is worth it. We went into a fancy restaurant and looked at the menu. I quickly realized that we could not afford to eat there and we ended up at a Long John Silvers.  That was the first time Pam ever saw me cry because I was ashamed that I could not provide more for us. God taught me a very important lesson. If our marriage is based solely on what I can provide then it is doomed; however, if it is based on what God can do through us then it will be blessed. Money cannot buy happiness.  I later learned with the help of my dear wife that where we ate was not near as important as the two of us just being together. I would like to encourage couples to spend time with each other. I am amazed at how many couples arrive at the same place but in separate vehicles.  Do not get so busy with work, hobbies or friends that you forget each other. Do not let facebook or finances come between you and your spouse. Husbands step up and rekindle that love that brought you and your wife together and never let that flame go out.

I would like to share with you some scripture from the book of Proverbs that has been a blessing to me and a place I go when thinking about that special relationship I have with my wife.

15 Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well.
16 Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, and rivers of waters in the streets.
17 Let them be only thine own, and not strangers’ with thee.
18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.
19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

Prov 5:15-19 (KJV)

One more thing– couples that pray together stay together. Pray with your spouse and men lead that prayer time together. God bless you and your marriage and remember live life with “no regrets” because we will stand before God one day.