FACING FEAR IN MARRIAGE
By Glenda Ward
“Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:” Psalm 139:23
When we cannot understand ourselves or comprehend our feelings, God invites us to take our internal struggles to Him and ask Him for insight. He understands what we do not and knows what to do when we don’t. For better or for worse, Marriage. Will you get out of your marriage all you hoped it would be? If you wake up one day and realize the reason you got married has forever been taken away from you, can your marriage survive that? Yes, with faith, it can.
We live in a world where physical, relational, financial, emotional, and health-related situations are inevitable. When any one of these or other circumstances arise in a marriage it can take time to accept the situation. Usually, one spouse will deny it while the other worries and is preoccupied with the reality of the situation. This stems from the fear of the outcome. Fear unaddressed can cause any number of secondary emotions. Facing issues like these in marriage takes a high degree of learning to adjust to meet the needs of the couple, focusing on the ‘how’ of personalized learning. It is an active process in which spouses define themselves to each other. It requires the risk of being open to growth and being honest not only with your spouse but also with yourself. It is a way of thinking and learning in your relationship taking in the content of the issue, its impact within the marriage, defining your fears, how to process the situation in reality, being accountable for actions, and learning to survive the environment within the marriage. This is being able to set appropriate personal boundaries and the process of development from the simple relationship to the more complex issues arising in marriage without feeling guilt or shame. You must be willing to understand and bear your spouse’s frustration and disappointments without making it about you – even though it feels like it has everything to do with you.
Couples need to deal with their fears openly because fear unaddressed becomes a relational sore in a marriage. Facing your fears in marriage and talking about those fears is helping your spouse understand you so the two of you can face your situations and disappointments together. Denying your fears doesn’t make them go away! Take a reality check; if you need some encouragement, draw on Spiritual resources. This is a key principle for facing the moment when your marriage dreams seem beyond reach. One spouse needs to face reality in situations that affect the marriage and one spouse will need to embrace their hope and faith.
Christian transformation: “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God” (Romans 12:2). Many people accept Jesus Christ as their Savior and never learn how to live a life that honors Him. In full trust and worship, we commit to obeying Him, knowing that the Lord knows how to best lead you – no matter what the circumstances. Transformation begins with our thinking and with consciences that are committed to listening to and obeying God. We do not merely try hard to sin less. Our minds are renewed as we study His Word, and our hearts are changed as we submit to Him. We learn to depend upon Him, observe His commands, and trust Him to mold us into people who discover how awesome it is to live in the center of God’s Will because it is life at its very best – and there is nothing in this world that compares to it.
To face your own disappointments, you need to be enlightened. You need the courage of David to pray: “Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23-24). You need to seek the truth, not just believe the truth, because God needs to show you what lies hidden. In life’s disappointments, if faced with the proper attitude, couples will be prompted into reevaluating who they are, who their spouse is, what God offers, and what they actually need to grasp reality and redirect the situation of circumstances of the marriage into something good and becoming a witness to God’s truths in life. The Christian practice of surrender is the humble acknowledgment that life is about conceding to and accepting God’s agenda and Will over your own. After you reset your own expectations, you need to reset the expectations you have for your marriage. To get to the place of surrender, you need divine intervention: God’s Grace.
If you want to be strong, you must glory in your weakness. Brokenness is God’s requirement for maximum usefulness. This is because it is when you are truly helpless and without resources that you must count on God’s provision. His power enables you to triumph, and all the glory belongs to Him. If you want to drive the pride from your character, embrace the hardships and struggles that God allows into your life. The Lord’s loving-kindness is more than sufficient to help you when you’re at your weakest. This is where pride cannot survive – and you are genuinely able to receive God’s Grace. (Reference 2 Corinthians 12:9-10).
God cares for those who trust in Him. “The Lord is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and He knoweth them that trust in Him” (Nahum 1:7).
Glenda Ward is a member of Grand View Baptist Church in McDowell County and is a Christian writer/author of “Something to Think About” – weekly Christian Articles. She finds purpose and joy in writing Church Programs & Bulletins, VBS Material, Christmas and Easter Programs, Memorials, and now expanding to include weekly articles to other churches, as well as writings to include Christian-based articles on Relationships in Marriage; all material based on the KJV of the Bible. From personal experience, I hope to set an example of how to serve a risen Savior and live by the Holy Spirit with joy. My goal is to help people partake of the better option in life to experience the transforming power that is available in Christ Jesus today. You can read more, good, Christian news from Glenda HERE.